Do You Really Love Him? An advice to a wife.

By: Iftikhar Islam

He comes all tired in the evening, after concluding his office work, meeting clients, convincing them, and completing the task assigned by his boss. He is almost exhausted, in need of support; he comes all the way home, rings the bell hoping he may be welcomed by his beautiful and charming wife with a big smile on her face.

And when he finds the situation totally opposite, he gets devastated mentally. Yet he keeps a strong heart and strong faith, continues the other work which he has to do at home. He might be in need of tea or coffee, but is hesitant to request her. He thinks of taking some rest and gets laid on the bed, then suddenly hears the voice of his wife “Did you bring some vegetables from the market? Haven’t I told you?” Hearing the voice he leaves for the market, gets vegetables and returns back.

Quietly he leaves for prayer. After coming back, again he hears the voice of his wife urging him to purchase a new television as she has seen her neighbor with a better television than her. He didn’t give any reply. Realizing the refusal of her words, her attitude again changes. At the time of dinner, she quietly lays the plates on the table and conveys him that the food is kept there. He alone eats food, keeps the plates and bowls at their respective places, offers Isha prayers, and when he comes to the bedroom he finds that his charming wife is busy in her favorite TV-serials. He just goes to the bed without any farewell gift.

What would be his mental state? However strong he might be, he starts getting shattered. He won’t get that mental peace which he should get in an Islamic Home.

The next day when he wakes up, he gets the breakfast in the same manner, with shabby untied hair, wearing night wear full of crinkles.

When he steps into the office he sees well-maintained, beautifully dressed women. Right from his neighbors to passersby; from his own office receptionist to his co-worker, to the clients; from a news reader to a brand ambassador in advertisement - he sees well maintained women.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "Allah has written for the son of Adam his inevitable share of adultery whether he is aware of it or not: The adultery of the eye is the looking (at something which is sinful to look at), and the adultery of the tongue is to utter (what it is unlawful to utter), and the innerself wishes and longs for (adultery) and the private parts turn that into reality or refrain from submitting to the temptation." [Saheeh Bukhari 6122, Saheeh Muslim 6754]

In this situation, when he comes back home and finds his own wife neglecting him – rather taking him for granted – and busy in watching her own “favorite” serials, in her ugly nightwear with shabby hairs. When the husband asks for food she just directs him towards the dining table, even when she offers him a cup of tea, her eyes is not on her beautiful husband but on the withering stupid box.

When a woman came to ask the Prophet (sallallaahu alayhi wasallam) about some matter, and when he had dealt with it, he asked her, “Do you have a husband?” She said, “Yes.” He asked her, “How are you with him?” She said, “I never fall short in my duties, except for that which is beyond me.” He said, “Pay attention to how you treat him, for he is your Paradise and your Hell.” [Reported by Ahmad and al-Nasai]

You should always remember when your husband goes out for any work; they see well-dressed and well-maintained women. It is in your hand how you behave with them and be a source of peace and tranquility.

If he does not get the required love and companionship at home he starts getting attracted from outside – flirting with co-workers, remaining in the office for extra work, often going for picnics, dates etc. And you, when you go outside for any work – even if you observe hijab – you spend “unnecessary” time in front of mirror, apply attractive (so called mild and decent) perfumes and what not!! The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: Whoever puts on the perfume and goes out and when any non Mahram smells that perfume, then she has committed adultery” [Sunan Nasai 5126].

My dearest and respected sisters even this hurts a modest and the most loving husband. You and your make-up are only for your husband, not for anyone else. I repeat, you and your make-up are only for your husband, not for anyone else.! Remember this always and your husband will be yours forever… Insha’Allah!

It adds another feather to your relationship, when you await his arrival, welcome him with your sweet and naughty smile, tell him to get fresh and prepare for him a cup hot coffee or tea (or something which he likes, like snacks etc.) Don’t let anyone else welcome him (be it sister, mother, children, etc.), you be the first one – and you will see the wonders around you. Your life will be at peace.

It is not befitting for you, O my dear and respected sisters, to argue and counter argue with him unnecessary, or abuse him or his relatives, because he is your protector and maintainer (Quran 4:34), he is your leader. Think and recall any time you had a fight with him and you abused him, threatened him for booking him in “Dowry case”, even if you don’t mean it. If yes, immediately ask forgiveness from Allah and make du’a (supplication) for him. Don’t take undue advantages of those laws which are made to protect women. And do not go away from his bed as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘If a woman spends the night having forsaken her husband’s bed, the angels will curse her until she goes back.’” [Saheeh Bukhari 5194] And in another narration the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “By Him in Whose Hand is my life, when a man calls his wife to his bed, and she does not respond, the One Who is in the heaven is displeased with her until he (her husband) is pleased with her.” [Saheeh Muslim 3540]. These are the “little” things which you should take care of, if you have an aim of building a peaceful home and make life successful.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "I was shown the Hell-fire and that the majority of its dwellers were women who were ungrateful." It was asked, "Do they disbelieve in Allah?" (or are they ungrateful to Allah?) He replied, "They are ungrateful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favors and the good done to them. If you have always been good (benevolent) to one of them and then she sees something in you (not of her liking), she will say, 'I have never received any good from you." [Saheeh Bukhari 29]

The social life gets messed up because of neglecting the small issues and making silly mistakes. Wife plays a very crucial role in maintaining the family and make life peaceful and jovial. Now I ask you, “Do you really love him?”

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