Dowry and Our Attitude – an Islamic Perspective

By: Iftikhar Islam

Dowry is a virus in Marriage and ‘Mahr’ is an antivirus. So install a powerful antivirus and do not allow the virus to enter and destroy your life. 

Dowry is one of the important issues of this hour. Many of young girls are waiting to get married and lead a normal life with husband and children. They are destroying their age in this matter and at the end ends up with marrying a wrong person. Dowry is an evil which destroys the relation and society as a whole.

Many of the men, so called religious and moderate thinkers, support dowry – directly or indirectly. They didn’t oppose it when it comes to their marriage. They become silent spectators when their parents demand dowry from would-be parents-in-law. They have the lame excuses of obeying parents. They didn’t bother to change the home in which they live in, as they have enough strength to change the evil customs. They disobey their parents in so many things which they should not, and when it comes to obey Allah and the Messenger, they realize of obeying parents. Remember, Obeying Allah and his Messenger has priority over everything else, even parents (ref: Al Quran 9:24)

In this era, there are many who demand dowry according to their status and qualification. Doctor, Engineer, MBA, etc. have their respective rates. In Islam, demanding dowry is completely prohibited, even cannot “hint” of demanding dowry. On the contrary, man should compulsory pay “mahr” to would-be wife. The Glorious Quran commands men to give the required mahr in Surah Nisa (4):4 “And give the women (on marriage) their dower as a free gift; but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, Take it and enjoy it with right good cheer.” It further says in verse 19 of the same surah “O you who believe! You are forbidden to inherit women against their will, and you should not treat them with harshness, that you may take away part of the Mahr you have given them, unless they commit open illegal sexual intercourse. And live with them honourably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good.” 

Marriage is a binding of relations, it closes two souls together. It is the dowry which puts poison of sorrow between two souls and in turn breaks a good relationship between two families. Mother-in-law of a girl plays an important role in destroying the life of the girl as well as his own son, even parents of girl gives dowry willingly or unwillingly and says they are giving gift to their would-be son-in-law. These types of gifts are haram in Islam which makes the life miserable. O my respected parents, why you give and take dowry and promote evil in the life of your children and society. 

Women folk discuss among themselves of the dowry given to their respective sons and degrade the priceless gift, a dazzling wife – a pearl, given by Allah to their sons. Does dowry have some value as compared to your wives? How shameless are we? We say men and women are equal. We take the name of Islam and proudly say Islam has given women their due rights. But when it comes to dowry why don’t you give the same rights of women to her? It is surprising even women are involved in suppressing another women. They think it is the matter of pride in giving and taking dowry. Some parents think how can we live in the society if we don’t give “gifts” to our son-in-law? And the so called would-be son-in-law merely be a silent spectator. If he wills he can change the situation easily!

Is it what our Prophet (pbuh) taught us? How much dowry did he take from his wives? How much dowry did Abu bakr siddique give to the Prophet (pbuh)? How much dowry did he give to his own daughters?? What was the practice of the companions? How much dowry did they take from their parents-in-law?

We have standard beggars in our society, some begs in front of mosque, temple, church; some begs in public places and footpaths; while the others beg in front of parents-in-law, and these are the standard beggars of our society. These are the beggars who silently accept the donations given by their parents-in law. 

I request my sisters to reject the person if he even gives a slight hint of Dowry. Demanding Dowry is completely prohibited in Islam. 

Change your attitude, be a man, say No to Dowry.