I Love her, Do you? An advice to a husband.

By: Iftikhar Islam

Marriage is a part of life. It is an institution where two souls are truss and promised to live together throughout life. In this journey, one of the partner has to leave everything – parents, brothers and sisters, home in which she lived her childhood – and live with a mahram who is totally new.

In this journey of life, the most common behavior of husband is impertinent to his wife. He feels ashamed to call her with respectful names. He even feels awkward to share the secrets what all happened in the offices, on the way, in the businesses, etc. Wife is a better half and not bitter half of the husband. 

Allah says: “O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness, that ye may Take away part of the dower ye have given them,-except where they have been guilty take a dislike of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and God brings about through it a great deal of good.” [Al Quran 4:19]

God Almighty commands us to be kind to our wives and should not treat them with harshness. Yet, our ego comes in between the commandment of Allah and we start treating them like “slave”, yes like “slave.” 

O believers, be kind to your wives “… verily Allah is kind and He loves kindness and confers upon kindness…” [Saheeh Muslim 32: 6273] The prophet (peace be upon him) also said: “The most perfect believer in the matter of faith is one who has excellent behaviour; and the best among you are those who behave best towards their wives.” [Ahmad 7354, and Tirmidhi 1162]In another hadith he (peace be upon him) said: “I am the best to my wives”.

After Sulah (treaty) Hudaibiyah, at the time of sacrifice of animals, the Prophet (peace be upon him) consulted with his wife Umme-Salmah (May Allah’s mercy be on her) and Prophet (peace be upon him) accepted the advice of his wife. But we, on the contrary the “followers of Prophet (peace be upon him)” feels ashamed to take advices from wives. We have the attitude of superiority. Remember… Remember the words of Prophet (peace be upon him) delivered in last khutabah (which interprets as): Any one does not have superiority over other except by piety and good actions.

He (peace be upon him) also said in the same speech “… Do treat your women well and be kind to them for they are your partners and committed helpers…”

My brothers, check yourselves where you stand? Do you behave well to your wives? Do you take advices from them? Do you share everything with them? And the most important… Do you trust them and they trust you?? Ask these questions to yourselves…

Have you any time said to your wife “I am a bread earner”?? If yes, then immediately apologize her, for it is Allah who provides. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "You will be rewarded for whatever you spend for Allah's sake even if it were a morsel which you put in your wife's mouth." [Saheeh Bukhari 1:2:54]

Did you anytime ask forgiveness from your wife for your fault? Did any time you said “Jazaakallah” for her valuable favours which she does daily, for the meals she prepare and the breakfast she gives you? Did any time you have talked to her in kindness and used a three letter common word “I Love You”?? It all counts and make your relationship closer and closer that you cannot even think of departing away from each other.

Hazrat Aisha (May Allah’s mercy be on her) said: Prophet (Peace be upon him) used to help her in household work and when he (peace be upon him) hears adhan he (peace be upon) used to leave the work and go for salah, and the rest of the work is completed by herself.

Wives play a vital role in our lives and we cannot even think of the support they can provide us. They are the one who are very very close to us. They are the one who can advice us with open heart even for our secrets. They are our equal halves

The words like “I Love You” has a great impact in your relationship and also a kiss while departing to office or while coming etc. Prophet (peace be upon him) used to kiss his wives. Make them feel safe and secure under you. Don’t neglect this relationship which is from Allah. And He (swt) said “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women…” [Al Quran 4:34]

The last and very important advice, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “The most wicked among the people in the eye of Allah on the Day of judgment is the men who goes to his wife and she comes to him, and then he divulges her secret.” [Saheeh Muslim 3369] There are many secrets between you and your wife. Don’t let it know to any third person, whether it is your mother, sister, or anyone else. “And whoever changes Allah’s Favour after it had come to him, then surely, Allah is Severe in punishment.” [Al Quran 2:211]

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Recommended Read: Do you really love him? - An advice to a wife.